I got my Halloween costume today (or Caution: I’m dropping F-bombs today)

It’s called, “I’m never EVER letting another fucking German hairstylist touch my hair because now I look like a fucking lesbian soccer mom.” I will hunt down some haughty Frenchman or a flirtatious Italian or I will just start wearing my hair like a Jehovah’s Witness. I would post a picture, but since I can’t seem to stop crying at the moment I will have to show you later.

In fact, I can show you exactly what I asked for. Because I pinned a picture of a girl onto Pinterest for the explicit purpose of showing the hairstylist. I liked her hair cut. It was roughly the same length as mine (mine touched the tops of my shoulders, hers ran a little bit past them in the photo), but the front was sleeker looking and she had better cut layers in the back. Perfect right? A visual to show EXACTLY what I want. So can someone explain to me why the hairstylist would cut 2 inches off my hair???? WTF??? Seriously. Should I have given her a bigger tip and told her to take the money straight to the eye doctor?The only thing I can think of is that she needs glasses because I don’t think there can be a language barrier when you bring a fucking picture.

Husband has no idea what to do with me. I came home crying on the phone to my brother (my go-to comforter in tough times like these). Husband tried to talk me through what happened to see if maybe I said something wrong. I just sat on the sofa staring at my fucking Pinterest page downing Kit-Kats like I’m getting gastric by-pass surgery tomorrow. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t get why my hair is so fucking important to me. Fucking 6 months of trying to grow it back, after realizing the day we got here that I don’t fit in and I won’t fit in and that’s fucking fine by me I’d rather be who I am that try to look like everyone else around here- all 6 months and the 2 inches of hair I gained- all gone in under an hour.

The good news: it’s parents night at O’s Kindergarten so he’s sleeping in Albstadt with my in-laws. I am now going to proceed with drinking. Heavily.

 

Side note: I have no problems with lesbians, soccer moms or any combination thereof. In fact, I friggin’ love me a few lesbians. Best people I ever knew. I however do not fucking ever want to have someone cut my hair any shorter than my chin ever again.

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